Bonus Days
In July 2019, my partner Shelly was giving our dog Khyber his routine bedtime belly rub and felt a lump in his abdomen. The next day we visited our local vet to have it checked out. They x-rayed Khyber's abdomen and identified a mass on his spleen. A few days later, we saw a specialist for an ultrasound and discovered that Khyber had hemangiosarcoma. This aggressive cancer would take his life in just days to weeks. While we had caught it early, it had already spread throughout his internal organs, making it impossible to operate.
Khyber was more than a dog; he was my best friend. I rescued him from a drug house while I was in graduate school. I couldn't afford a dog, but I didn't want him to stay in his situation. We trained together for several hours every day, he came to the lab I worked in at Queen's University, went on field expeditions to northwest Ontario as an official member of our lab team, adventured with me throughout the Adirondacks, and came to work with me every day of my professional career. For most of his life, he was always within a few feet of me.
The day after we got the diagnosis, I took a picture of Khyber in our yard and titled it "Bonus Day 1." As a professional photographer, I had never trained my lens on Khyber, always on wilderness landscapes. Knowing that he would soon be gone, I only wanted to celebrate and remember the days we had left. I decided to post these photos online, expecting my social media following would plummet because who would care about my dying dog? I didn't know how much the story and sentiment would resonate with so many people. It helped people deal with their own loss and appreciate every day with their loved ones.
John Gray, a famous news anchor for ABC News 10 in Albany, NY, picked up Khyber's story. John's story went on to win an Emmy and brought thousands of people along for our journey of celebrating Khyber's remaining days. You'll find the video and photos below. You may find yourself teary-eyed from watching the video and looking through the photos, I still do. But this story will remind you to treat every day like a Bonus Day when it comes to the ones you love.
Day 3,763 Bonus Day 1 Khyber: I love sitting in the sun and smelling the air. Me: Yesterday we found out that Khyber has hemangiosarcoma. It is an aggressive form of cancer that is often referred to as the "silent killer" of dogs. I've calculated that we've spent more than 95% of the last 88,824 hours by each others side. Khyber goes to work with me, comes along on adventures and vacations, and sleeps at the foot of our bed. We aren't counting down the few days we have left, instead we are counting each day from here on out as bonus days.
Day 3,764 Bonus Day 2 Khyber: I love running around in the woods behind our house. Me: I love seeing Khyber bound through the woods like this. It also terrifies me now because such vigorous play could cause one of his tumors to rupture. I suppose he would rather live fewer days like this than a handful more restricted to laying around the house.
ay 3,765 Bonus Day 3 Khyber: I’m not sure why Dad and Mom are giving me so many treats lately, but I love it! Me: We planned on bringing Khyber to dinner with us tonight. We were part way down the street when the thunder clapped. We decided to turn around and bring him home so we wouldn’t get stuck outside in the rain. Of course we had to give him a handful of treats for the disappointment of not going out with us.
Day 3,766 Bonus Day 4 Khyber: Don’t you want to throw the frisbee? Me: We are keeping fetch to a minimum right now, but occasionally we give in for a throw. Khyber has never understood how to retrieve with anything less than 100% effort. He’s sprained his paws, run into a porch and knocked a tooth, and sustained numerous other injuries due to a lack of body awareness when playing fetch. Vigorous activity could lead to fatal internal bleeding. We are doing our best to keep him safe but we want him to still do the things he loves.
Day 3,767 Bonus Day 5 Khyber: My favorite thing to do is swim, preferably with Brendan. Me: I rescued Khyber in March 2009. He was likely born in August 2008. A few days after I got him I walked him down to the waterfront in Kingston, ON to see how he would react to the water. He was interested but hesitant to walk in. We walked along the waterfront back to our apartment. As we were walking along a marina, he decided, with no warning, to jump in. The problem was he jumped off a 3 foot concrete wall into the marina area. All of the docks are fenced off and locked. He sank to the bottom almost motionless before bobbing to the surface. He nearly took me in with him. As he surfaced I was relieved but I had no idea how I would get him out. I laid down and reached over the edge, with only my legs to hold me in the place. I grabbed his collar and pulled him to dry land. I was certain he would be terrified of water after that, but he took off through the parking lot running around like a maniac. A few days later I reintroduced him to water at a small pond. I threw sticks for him, first at the edge of the pond, then increasingly far out. He learned to swim in about 15 minutes and has loved being in the water since.
Day 3,768 Bonus Day 6 Khyber: My friends Seth and Kendra came to visit today! Me: Seth A. Jones and Kendra Ormerod are Khyber’s (nonsecular) doggie godparents. Seth, Khyber, and I lived together for awhile, and we worked together at Adirondack Mountain Club for many years. He’s at the very top of the list of Khyber’s favorite people. Kendra dropped everything to get us to Albany for Khyber’s ultrasound on Monday. With my back injury I couldn’t drive down there and we wanted a diagnosis as soon as possible. I’m glad that Khyber and I have such great friends!
Day 3,769 Bonus Day 7 Khyber: (In the zone) Me: My universal method for checking Khyber’s wellbeing is to pick up a tennis ball. If his ears perk up and his focus locks on the ball I know all is ok. If and/or when he stops doing this I’ll know something is seriously wrong. The good news is all is well today.
Day 3,770 Bonus Day 8 Khyber: Boat rides are so much fun. Me: The motor boat is a bit easier for Khyber right now, but most of our past boat time has been spent in canoes. He’s never flipped a canoe and only once been in a canoe that flipped. Often he’ll lay down in the bottom of the canoe before it is even in the water. I currently have a back injury that is preventing me from canoeing, so I’m not sure Khyber and I will have another canoe day together. But he has been enjoying trips on the stand up paddle board.
Day 3,771 Bonus Day 9 Khyber: I found it! Me: One of Khyber’s favorite games is Find It. He sits in the upstairs hallway while we hide one of his toys downstairs. When we yell “ok” he comes tearing down the stairs to search out his toy. If it takes longer than 2 minutes we know we’ve done a good job of hiding. He knows all of the hiding spots and is pretty quick to sniff out his toy. Once he finds it he does a few victory laps around the house before bringing it back to us for another round.
Day 3,772 Bonus Day 10 Khyber: Brendan hid the frisbee on me, but I found it! Me: We played Find It in the yard today, which we haven’t done before. It was a whole new ball game and it took Khyber quite awhile to track down the frisbee in a few locations. He won though, as he always does. The cancer is definitely sapping his energy. We do just enough to satisfy his itch to be a true labrador retriever, but not enough to put him in distress.
Day 3,773 Bonus Day 11 Khyber: If I’m gonna have a bath so are you! Me: We spread our grill ashes in the woods behind our house and Khyber proceeded to get them all over himself. He’s never been a smelly dog and has probably only had a dozen baths his whole life. His bath had the added benefit of helping him cool off in this heat.
Day 3,774 Bonus Day 12 Khyber: Why am I getting sprayed with a hose so often today? Me: Khyber has a harder time with the heat lately. We’ve been keeping the house closed up in the middle of the day to keep it cool and misting Khyber on a regular basis. We’ll start spending more time outside once the heat breaks.
Day 3,775 Bonus Day 13 Khyber: I love swimming in the Ausable River :-) Me: Today was a great day for Khyber. He got to do two of his favorite things, swim and see lots of people. He helped man the beer tent at Ausable River Association and Cycle Adirondacks Ride for the River held at the The Hungry Trout Resort and Restaurant. Ever since I adopted him he has been swimming in moving water, having spent years swimming Johns Brook. He knows how to swim at an angle into the current to move perpendicular across the river. When he was younger he got washed through rapids on occasion, but always came out the other side fearless and ready to jump back in.
Day 3,776 Bonus Day 14 Khyber: Don’t you want to play with one of my toys? Me: Khyber has a basket full of toys, mostly small stuffed animals. He is very gentle with them, some of them are over six years old. He also knows all of them by name and will go get them for you if you ask. A few years ago I got tired of the house being littered with dog toys so I started training Khyber to put them all away before eating breakfast and dinner. We aren’t making him do that right now, but within six weeks he had it down pat and would clean up the house with much enthusiasm and gusto.
Day 3,777 Bonus Day 15 Khyber: I know you see the frisbee. Me: I’ve made an effort not to be depressed about Khyber’s prognosis and the fact that he’ll leave us soon. These posts aren’t meant to be heartbreaking or depressing, they are meant to be up lifting. What we are going through is a constant reminder to treat every day with those you love as bonus days because you never know when they will be gone.
Day 3,778 Bonus Day 16 Khyber: Dad threw the frisbee!!!! Me: Frisbee throws are infrequent these days, but occasionally Khyber breaks me down. I make him lay down before the throw and only retrieve when I give him the “ok” release command. This, along with a pause of a minute or so, slightly dampens the totally crazy retriever attitude. Seeing him run back with the frisbee makes my heart glow. He’s so happy, entirely in his element.
Day 3,779 Bonus Day 17 Khyber: I get to smell all of the smells when riding in the bow of the boat. Me: Khyber hasn’t been wanting to eat lately. I’m not sure if the gig is up on loading his food with all of his pills or if he’s really losing his appetite. I’ve started hiding his pills in treats and putting cooked beef in with his food. His interest has mildly renewed but it might take him a few days to realize there aren’t any nasty tasting pills hidden in his food. If it doesn’t renew its a bad sign. Ever since I’ve known him he’s drooled at the sound of food hitting his bowl. In the back of my mind I’ve always had two tests of his overall wellbeing: 1) his interest in food, and 2) his interest in fetching. We’re starting to lose one but for now the other is still strong.
Day 3,780 Bonus Day 18 Khyber: Ball! Me: Khyber will do anything to retrieve a ball. One time out at Johns Brook Lodge he was walking across a narrow foot bridge with a soccer ball in his mouth. His dog friend Kaya was in front of him and stopped suddenly. He bumped into her, knocking the soccer ball out of his mouth. Without hesitation he dove off the bridge towards the boulder strewn stream below. Following the ball with his head he quickly ended up rolling upside down. I thought for certain he would land on his back, breaking it on the rocks below. Amazingly he snagged the soccer ball midair and at the last second rolled to land on his feet. A few seconds later he was up the far bank waiting for us with the ball in his mouth. This is but one of many instances where I thought Khyber would prematurely end his own life due to poor decision making.
Day 3,781 Bonus Day 19 Khyber: Just trying to stay cool. Me: It was a lazy day for Khyber and I. We have a big adventure planned for tomorrow morning, so today was all about taking it easy.
Day 3,782 Bonus Day 20 Khyber: I’ll take a belly rub please. Me: This is a moment I didn’t expect to have with Khyber. For the past four months I’ve been suffering from a severe disc herniation in my lower back. The last time I tried to do any sort of strenuous walking was 2 months ago. I went 3/4 of the way up Dewey Mountain and my body did not agree with that. Lately Khyber has been tired at the end of our 1.2 mile walks through our neighborhood. The prospect of either of us getting to a summit or overlook for one last Adirondack sunrise together didn’t look good. A few days ago I decided we both could probably make it to this particular location. It took us almost twice as long as it would have a year ago, but that’s ok. I’ll miss having a hiking partner that will wake up at 3am with enthusiasm for whatever adventure lies ahead.
Day 3,783 Bonus Day 21 Khyber: Just giving myself a back rub. Me: Khyber is back to eating his food. It seems as though the pills were the culprit, but he’s getting a ground beef addition now as well. He no longer drools in anticipation and while he eats it is with much less gusto than just a few weeks ago. A sure sign he isn’t feeling quite right. He’s still begging for frisbee throws, which he gets on occasion.
Day 3,784 Bonus Day 22 Khyber: Mom is home! Me: Shelly has been away for the past five days. When she left there was no certainty Khyber would be with us when she returned. Needless to say both were happy to see each other when she arrived home.
Day 3,785 Bonus Day 23 Khyber: I’m glad to be outside. Me: The heat kept us cooped up in the house most of yesterday. Khyber struggles when the mercury hits 80 degrees. He started walking around with his collar in his mouth this evening, his way of not so subtly letting me know he wants to go for a walk. I told him he had to wait for Shelly to get home. When she arrived he almost immediately picked up his collar and brought it to her. We did as he wished and took him for a walk.
Day 3,786 Bonus Day 24 Khyber: What is this weird stuff in this bowl and why are there two sticks on fire in front of me? Me: We celebrated Khyber’s 11th birthday today. We aren’t sure of his real birthday because he is a rescue dog. Our best guess is that it is sometime in August, so we celebrate August as Khyber’s birth month. I decided to make peanut butter ice cream for him. He’s never had ice cream before and wasn’t quite sure what to think of it.
Day 3,787 Bonus Day 25 Khyber: Just another day at the office. Me: Khyber has been doing limnological field work with me since 2 months after I rescued him. He’s cored lakes in northwestern Ontario, mapped lakes across the eastern US, and gone on many days of fieldwork sampling lakes and streams in the Ausable watershed. I’ve been sampling Mirror Lake from a SUP this season because of a back injury. He hasn’t been out on the water for science purposes in awhile, but I decided to give it a go today. As usual, he was a great water dog.
Day 3,788 Bonus Day 26 Khyber: I love swimming with Brendan. Me: Khyber is my best swim companion. Unlike a lot of dogs, he won’t claw you or try to climb on top of you while in the water. He will swim laps around you though. Sometimes when doing underwater photography I have to tie him up on shore otherwise he scares away all the fish and other critters I’m trying to photograph.
Day 3,789 Bonus Day 27 Khyber: Yes! Brendan threw the ball! Me: These moments tell the story of the bright side of Khyber’s days, which is what they are meant to do. I want these to be a reminder for myself and others that you can always find light in the darkness. When Khyber is gone and we look back at these photographs they will remind us of the moments of joy we shared with him as we said goodbye. What these photos don’t convey are the moments when I jump out of bed in the middle of the night because Khyber is having a hard time breathing. Or when he is sleeping in my truck but doesn’t jump up as we turn onto our street and I wonder if he passed away while coming home from a swim.
Day 3,790 Bonus Day 28 Khyber: Just strolling through the woods behind our house. Me: The longest day of hiking Khyber and I ever did together was 27 miles on the Appalachian Trail through the Shenandoah National Park. It had snowed the day before and we waded through about 7 miles of knee to waist deep snow before hopping on the Blue Ridge Highway and walking 20 miles to the next road. I decided to hitch a ride to the nearest town. A small truck picked us up, but it was clear the driver didn't see Khyber when he pulled over as there was no room for him. We ended up cramming him into a small space behind the truck seat. As I was getting in myself I noticed a pistol on the bench seat next to the driver. I paused for a moment, but with Khyber already loaded in and not easy to extract, I decided I had to get in as well. I figured that if the guy had ill intent towards us he wouldn't leave a gun clearly visible and within easy reach of either of us. I also knew that if stuff went down in the front seat Khyber would be a force to be reckoned with from behind. The guy ended up being super nice and we had a great chat on the way to town.
Day 3,791 Bonus Day 29 Khyber: Fuck cancer, I'm chasing this frisbee. Me: This is the Khyber I know and love, always going after it 100%. Even with cancer Khyber is still more agile than many 11-year-old dogs I've known.
Day 3,792 Bonus Day 30 Khyber: Shelly is home! Me: Khyber is the official household greeter. Good luck to anyone that tries to walk through our front door. He isn't interested in backing up and letting you inside until you've given him an appropriate amount of attention. If anyone ever breaks into the house I'm almost certain Khyber will show them around. He will absolutely show the thief his toy basket.
Day 3,793 Bonus Day 31 Me: Khyber, sit there and look pretty. Khyber: Ok.
Day 3,794 Bonus Day 32 Khyber: What? Don't judge me for having such a big tongue. Me: Our friend's Bobby and Kay gave Khyber the nickname "Mr. Kisses" a long time ago. He gives everyone kisses when he sees them and if you make a smooching noise he will come running to give you a kiss. He also understands English, so if you ask him, "Khyber, can I have a kiss?," he'll give you one.
Day 3,795 Bonus Day 33 Khyber: Just patrolling my back yard. Me: You'll notice that Khyber is often off-leash with no collar in most of these photos. I prefer him to be wild and free whenever possible. He's never been one to run away or chase wildlife. He does have to wear a collar, and when necessary be on a leash, when we are in public places. He knows this, so will go get his collar whenever he sees me putting on shoes or a jacket.
Day 3,796 Bonus Day 34 Khyber: Just hanging out on the paddle board. Me: Today was a great day for Khyber. We spent most of the day with family out on the boat and paddle board. Khyber got lots of time in the water, which is his favorite.
Day 3,797 Bonus Day 35 Khyber: I love for going on walks with Shelly. Me: It makes me happy to see Khyber get so excited to go on a walk, but it's also sad to see how much he gets worn out by walking just over a mile. We'll keep going as long as he wants.
Day 3,798 Bonus Day 36 Khyber: Feed me peas! Me: Khyber has turned into a garden beggar. He waits outside the garden fence for peas and beans to be passed to him. Back on bonus day 24 we celebrated his birthday by giving him homemade peanut butter ice cream. He was not interested in it at all. I guess we should have given him a bowl of vegetables instead.
Day 3,799 Bonus Day 37 Khyber: You aren't going to get away from me! Me: Khyber has always enjoyed pouncing on his toys like a cat. When he is really excited he will often run at us and slap the ground with his two front paws just as he gets to us. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to have the energy to do that anymore. He did have enough excitement for the ball today to give it a tiny pounce.
Day 3,800 Bonus Day 38 Khyber: Cancer sucks. Me: Today wasn't the best day for Khyber. He didn't want to eat his food, not even ground beef. And he's been tired most of the day. We suspect he is dealing with a hemorrhage right now. He's not in distress, but definitely not feeling well.
Day 3,801 Bonus Day 39 Khyber: I see a tennis ball. Me: Khyber's nose, cheeks, and chin are my favorite. He seems to be feeling a little better today. He wouldn't eat again this morning but would eat as many Charlie Bear treats as I would give him. This evening we went back to canned food and he gobbled it down.
Day 3,802 Bonus Day 40 Khyber: Brendan brought me to one of my favorite places in the world today 🙂 Me: Today was a big day for Khyber, Shelly, and I. Our family has a multigenerational camp on Duck Blind Island, Lake Champlain. We had planned a week here starting today many months ago. When Khyber was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma we really didn't think he would be with us for our visit to the island. It is one of his most favorite places in the world. If you were to draw a picture of heaven for a labrador retriever it would be this island. It is on the edge of a marsh at the outlet of Lewis and Otter Creeks. He can wade through the reeds, swim in the lake, roll in gross stuff, run around with sticks, go on boat rides, and canoe paddles. Best of all, we open the door and let him out to do whatever he pleases. Sometimes we find him in the marsh sniffing around, other times he is sleeping on the rocks in the sun. If he leaves us while we are here that will be ok, but we really hope he gets a full island experience and gets to do all the things he loves every day.
Day 3,803 Bonus Day 41 Khyber: If Shelly goes overboard I'll go save her. Me: When Khyber was younger I trained him to pull me to shore if he felt me grab onto his life jacket. He was such a strong swimmer that he could haul me quite a distance. Thankfully we never had to put his lifesaving skills to the test. I have no doubt he would do the same today, despite being knocked down several pegs from cancer. He would die trying to rescue me, or while following me on an adventure. That always kept me on my toes because I knew I had to keep a close eye on him because he would never indicate he was struggling. In many ways I think he is doing the same thing now, pushing as hard as he can to keep going.
Day 3,804 Bonus Day 42 Khyber: Nap time. Me: Khyber enjoys napping on the dock at Duck Blind Island, Lake Champlain. In his younger years he enjoyed running full throttle down the dock and jumping off the end.
Day 3,805 Bonus Day 43 Khyber: I am king of Duck Blind Island, Lake Champlain! Me: Khyber is the undisputed dog king of the island. It seemed fitting to get him to pose like the lion king on the end of the island. As usual, he was game for whatever I asked him to do. He is noticeably happier these last few days and seems to have a bit more energy. I'm thankful he's been able to enjoy his time here.
Day 3,806 Bonus Day 44 Khyber: Bring back the sun! Me: It's been raining all day at Duck Blind Island, Lake Champlain. Khyber slept most of the day, but was happy to go for a short stroll in the rain.
Day 3,807 Bonus Day 45 Khyber: I met a nice man today, he loves dogs 🙂 Me: John Gray Writer came to visit Khyber, Shelly, and I today. He is going to do a story on Khyber's bonus days. I'll make sure to post an update when it is out. If you love dogs, make sure to check out John's books, "God Needed A Puppy" and "Keller's Heart." I'm in awe of the number of people connecting with Khyber online. His bonus days are about reminding us all to love and appreciate those in our life on a daily basis. You never know when you might find out that those days will soon end.
Day 3,808 Bonus Day 46 Khyber: Hey there Brendan, want to scratch my belly? Me: Khyber is a belly rub monster. This is how we found the tumor on his spleen. His nightly routine is to go belly up as we get into bed. He knows both Shelly and I will stop on our way to bed to give him a good rub and lots of love. On July 3rd Shelly felt a small hard mass in his abdomen. Two days later we were at Lake Placid Animal Hospital to see Dr. Alison Flanigan, our favorite vet of all time and one of Khyber's favorite people. A few days after that we were in Albany to get an ultrasound. The news was about as bad as it could get, he had hemangiosarcoma and it had spread beyond his spleen. Surgery wasn't an option and chemo wasn't a good one either. He's on I'm-Yunity and Yunnan Baiyao in hopes they will slow the growth of the tumors and any bleeding. We aren't sure if they are helping, but we are sure glad we can still give him belly rubs whenever he asks.
Day 3,809 Bonus Day 47 Khyber: Boat rides are fun! Me: Khyber has always been a great boat dog. Lately, he has had trouble keeping his feet under him on the slippery aluminum boat. I either need to keep him between my legs to stabilize him or have him lay in the bottom of the boat.
Day 3,810 Bonus Day 48 Khyber: Laying here and getting paddled around isn't a bad way to start the day! Me: Our morning routine for the past week has been to go for a SUP tour of Lake Champlain. Khyber is calm enough that I can even bring a cup of coffee along to enjoy. He often naps, except when we are near shore or something of interest appears out in the middle of the lake. This morning the lake was as smooth as glass. When Khyber was much younger we spent most of our free time hiking. As he aged we switched to more paddling which was easier on him. For the past few months we've been SUPing because it is better for my injured back and makes for an easy swim platform for Khyber.
Day 3,811 Bonus Day 49 Khyber: I'll never stop fetching tennis balls. Me: Khyber didn't want to eat his food this morning, but we got a few short sessions of fetch in. If you look very closely you'll see the edge of the ball in his mouth. As long as his eyes light up for a tennis ball I know all is ok and he's good for another day.
Day 3,812 Bonus Day 50 Khyber: All I want is to play frisbee!!!! Me: We're having a real hard time getting Khyber to eat consistently. For several days he ate dry food if I hand fed it to him. Then he started turning is nose to it. Today he denied dry food, canned food, and cooked but cold ground beef. He willingly ate Dakin Farm beef sticks and Mace Chasm Farm sausage. I'm still struggling to figure out if he is a) losing his appetite, or b) realizing that if he holds out he gets super tasty foods. 🤷🏼♂️
Day 3,813 Bonus Day 51 Khyber: I see you Brendan. Me: It's been a windy day at Duck Blind Island, Lake Champlain. No paddling or adventures for Khyber and I. We didn't get a sunset either, the rain started pouring down a half-hour before. I got Khyber to eat today. He prefers Dakin Farm bacon and eggs with his dry food, pineapple for snacks, and rice for dinner. Anything he'll eat at this point is fine with me. I'm hoping for better weather tomorrow so we can get out in the water.
Day 3,814 Bonus Day 52 Khyber: Taking a nap so I can dream of frisbees. Me: The little dude had sort of a rough night last night, but seems to be on the upswing today. He's been enjoying having a frisbee at the island. For some reason, this was overlooked while we were here all last week. I'm careful on how much I give in to the requests for a throw, but he's happy just walking around with it in his mouth.
Day 3,815 Bonus Day 53 Khyber: Yeah, Shelly is back! Me: It was just the boys at the island for the last three days. Shelly is back for the next few days to round out our vacation. I honestly didn't think Khyber would make it long enough to visit Duck Blind Island, Lake Champlain one more time. It's been great to just relax with him for nearly two weeks now. Het gets to do all the things he loves and we get to just enjoy our time with him.
Day 3,816 Bonus Day 54 Khyber: The island is more fun when we have a frisbee. Me: In the past Khyber would be sufficiently worn out at the island from regular adventures. Since he can't jump of the dock, swim as much, or wander through the marsh, he's been a bit restless. The frisbee has been a great way to keep him engaged and excited for our second stint here. I can't go outside without him following me around with it, or just laying on the lawn waiting for a chance to beg for a throw. His retrieves are pretty slow these days, but that is ok.
Day 3,817 Bonus Day 55 Khyber: Just enjoying a nice northerly breeze and the view of Lake Champlain. Me: Khyber and I had a minor disagreement today. He's getting increasingly frustrated with taking his pills. We've gone through the gamut of tricks to get him to consume them in disguise. For the last two weeks its been me shoving them down his throat, following with a tasty treat in hopes of washing them down. He has gotten increasingly good at hacking them up afterward, often with the tasty treat. This then results in me fishing his pills out of a small pile of vomit only to repeat the whole routine and hope for a different outcome. Thankfully our mutual frustrations with each other don't last longer than the moment in which they occur.
Day 3,818 Bonus Day 56 Khyber: Do we have to leave? Me: Two weeks of much-needed rest and relaxation have come to an end. When we started the whole cancer journey with Khyber we thought he might not make it long enough for our time at our family camp. The little dude is proving to be a trooper and made it through the full two-weeks. He's still eating and his frisbee drive remains strong, but he's got a big pot belly, is uncomfortable at times, and is slowing down. Every night I'm convinced he might pass in his sleep, or go into some sort of crisis that will send us to the vet. Then every morning he comes and sits beside the bed to get his morning loving. His final day is definitely drawing near but I have no idea exactly how much longer he has.
Day 3,819 Bonus Day 57 Khyber: Can we just play fetch for the rest of my life? Me: Khyber had a particularly rough time last night. When I took him out in the morning to go the bathroom he ran to get his ball, brought it back and nudged it at me, looking at me with the same playful eyes he's looked at me with his whole life. After some rest and careful management of what and how often he eats he is doing better. He spent the afternoon lounging in the yard, eating peas from the garden, and getting in an occasional throw of the ball. We are walking a tight rope right now on how to keep him comfortable and happy, we fell off last night but are back on today.
Day 3,820 Bonus Day 58 Khyber: Maybe if I close my eyes and think real hard I can transport Brendan and I to a lake so we can play fetch from the SUP. Me: Khyber has a habit of getting on or in any sort of watercraft while it is still on land. Our canoe of choice for many years was a Hornbeck Boats Inc. It wasn't uncommon for me to pull it off my truck, set in on the shore near the launch, then a minute or so later find Khyber laying in the bottom of the canoe. He always seemed befuddled by the fact that I would force him out of the canoe only to move it a few feet to the water and then have him get back in. I'm fairly certain he thinks that if he gets in a canoe or on a SUP he'll be magically transported to the water.
Day 3,821 Bonus Day 59 Khyber: What's that? A squirrel? A ball? I want to go get it! Me: Khyber dude, just look at the camera for a second so we can get a good selfie! Khyber has been doing much better since a big low Monday night. He's back to eating cooked beef, as long as it isn't ground beef. And he's getting lots of various veggies. I'm feeding him 5-6 times per day which also seems to be helping keep things down. He's got a big potbelly from the hemangiosarcoma but has been losing muscle mass. His ribs are starting to show, hips and shoulders are getting bony. I'm hoping he'll stick to the most recent iteration of his diet so we can stabilize the loss in body mass. He got to to the Ausable River Association office today to say hi to everyone.
Day 3,822 Bonus Day 60 Khyber: Dom and Jenna are here! Me: Khyber has lots of human friends, those from our years working at the Adirondack Mountain Club's Johns Brook Lodge are some of his closest. Dom was like a big brother/second Dad to Khyber while we worked at JBL, he always kept an eye on him. Jenna was part of Khyber's ADK extended family. He made friends with all of the ADK staff, not just those at JBL. I always joke that Khyber has a bunch of friends and I'm just the human that escorts him around to them. If that's the case, I'm ok with it. Khyber came from such an awful situation when he was a puppy, it warms my heart to see all the people that have connected with and have cared for him over the years.
Day 3,823 Bonus Day 61 Khyber: Brendan, don't close me in under the boat cover! Me: We went for a boat ride in the rain today. Khyber didn't want to move as we were covering the boat, but eventually we persuaded him to get up. We drifted for a while and when we stopped Khyber got excited, knowing this is when he and I usually go swimming. Unfortunately, we can't get him in and out of the boat anymore without hurting him and I wasn't too excited about the idea of a swim anyway. He enjoyed the ride anyway.
Day 3,824 Bonus Day 62 Khyber: Give me that darn frisbee! Me: Khyber has been taught not to tug on toys. If a person, or another dog, grabs a toy he lets go. This usually works out in his favor because letting go typically results in the toy being thrown. With dogs, it doesn't work that way. Many of his dog friends steal toys from him, resulting in Khyber following them around politely waiting for an opportunity to grab his toy back. On a rare occasion he'll want to play tug-a-war, and on an even rarer occasion I will indulge. Today was one of those days. Btw, Khyber won.
Day 3,825 Bonus Day 63 Khyber thought the package itself was a fine toy.
Day 3,825 Bonus Day 63 With a helping hand from Shelly he got it open.
Day 3,825 Bonus Day 63 He realized what was inside at this point.
Day 3,825 Bonus Day 63 I had a hard time getting this photo. He kept wanting to steal all of them out of my hand.
Day 3,825 Bonus Day 63 He decided to bring one for a quick trip on the boat. Surprisingly, the ball didn't fall off the dock or over the edge of the boat. There was a discussion on who would go get it. The consensus was that it would be me.
Day 3,826 Bonus Day 64 Khyber: I don't want to go inside. I want to stay out here, even if it is raining, and play with my tennis balls. Me: Khyber has always been a good listener, but as cancer has taken hold, and we've spoiled him absolutely rotten, he is getting a bit more defiant. It now takes several requests to get him to come inside when he wants to be outside. Just a few months ago he wouldn't have gotten away with this sort of thing. At times, I could be considered a "strict" doggie dad, but the rules and boundaries we had for much of his life are a major part of why he could go on fieldwork trips across Canada, travel to Florida for vacation, come to work each day, hike mountains, and paddle lakes. I told him he could bring another ball inside (balls normally aren't allowed inside), and he eventually complied with my request to come inside.
Day 3,827 Bonus Day 65 Khyber: The water feels so nice. Me: Khyber and I decided to take a short break from office work to check on Lake Everest. Khyber approves of the air and water quality. He's not strong enough to swim on his own anymore, so he just wades. He was perfectly content standing in the water for 15 minutes or so.
Day 3,828 Bonus Day 66 Khyber: Give it to me! Me: Khyber got another present in the mail today. His friend Fabienne sent him a stuffed rabbit. Khyber has a collection of a dozen or so stuffed animals. He knows all by name and is very gentle with them. Some of them are over six years old. For awhile we made him put all his toys away in a basket before breakfast and dinner. Now there are stuffed animals and tennis balls scattered around the house.
Day 3,829 Bonus Day 67 Khyber: Just hanging out with Brendan on Lake Placid. Me: Khyber joined me for a short afternoon fieldwork trip on Lake Placid. The temperatures are getting cool enough where he can comfortably be out on the paddleboard for an hour or more.
Day 3,830 Bonus Day 68 Khyber: I like going for walks in the woods. Me: Khyber got to go for a boat ride with friends, followed by a short walk to watch the sunset. He's starting to lose a lot of muscle mass. His face is starting to change as well. He's been eating home-cooked meals but is having a hard time keeping weight on.
Day 3,831 Bonus Day 69 Khyber: Fuck cancer!!! Me: Khyber has taught me a lot over the past 3,830 days, but one thing I've learned over the past 68 is that an indomitable spirit is no match for cancer. Cancer may be destroying his body, but it hasn't touched his spirit. He still loves his family and friends as much as he always has. He still wants to play fetch and have fun. We all face challenges in life, if we keep a positive attitude and accept support from family and friends, we can make it past those challenges. Khyber won't beat cancer, but I'm fairly certain he also won't let it beat him.
Day 3,832 Bonus Day 70 Khyber: I’m one with the Force. The Force is with me. Me: Khyber appears to be levitating a tennis ball in this photo. It reminded me of Star Wars and the Force, hence the quote above. A tennis ball is to Khyber as a lightsaber is to a Jedi. I am also reminded of this quote from Yoda, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.” There is no fear in Khyber, there never has been.
Day 3,833 Bonus Day 71 Khyber: Not fair Shelly! How am I supposed to catch so many tennis balls?! Me: Our friend Fabienne sent Khyber another present today, three more tennis balls! Shelly decided to throw all three of them at him at once to see what he would do. He attempted to catch them but failed. We also played fetch quite a bit this morning. He got more ball play in today than he has in a while. He's starting to have a hard time on slippery floors and stairs, but he's still getting mild amounts of air while catching tennis balls. Getting him to eat food is also a challenge. We can tell the end is approaching, but the little dude is still having fun.
Day 3,834 Bonus Day 72 Khyber: Just roaming the yard looking for someone to play ball with. Me: Khyber continues to hang in there. His food preferences/interests change daily. I have turned into his personal chef. When home I work in the kitchen and every 1-2 hours cook something for him, trying to decipher his current interest and desires. I'm fairly certain his stomach doesn't feel well so he develops negative associations with food over the course of a few days. On the other hand, I wonder if he is trying to sample as many of the food he has smelled his whole life but hasn't eaten. So far he has gotten Dakin Farm maple bacon, pork sticks, and summer sausage, Mace Chasm Farm bacon and sausage, ground beef, cube steaks, chuck steak, sirloin, rice, bread, carrots, peas, beans, tomatoes, peppers, brussel sprouts, broccoli, spinach, yogurt, and cottage cheese. Most of these things he will no longer eat, with the exception of Mace Chasm bacon. His current interest is eggs.
Day 3,835 Bonus Day 73 Khyber: Today I love Milkbones, tomorrow I may not... Me: Khyber's friend Kristy bought him a box of mini Milk-Bones today. He's eaten a quarter of the box so far, which is a win for food consumption. He also got lots of love and attention for a few hours at work with Shelly. Khyber is a great office dog. He's quiet and polite. This is not an advertisement for nor an endorsement of Milk-Bones.
Day 3,836 Bonus Day 74 Khyber: I can study rivers too! Me: Khyber joined me for a fieldwork blitz today along the Bouquet River. He's had more science experience than most people. At one point today he leapt off a three-foot bank onto a sandbar in the river. I heard a thud behind me and realized what he had just done. He survived the landing. When he was younger he did those things all the time. On one occasion he leapt off a seven-foot drop into a pool in Johns Brook.
Day 3,837 Bonus Day 75 Khyber: I like sitting around the fire with friends. Me: We spent the day with our friends Nate, Pieter, and Mike at Cedar River Flow. We were planning on camping, but uncertain of how comfortable Khyber would be. He had a great day playing ball, swimming, and going on a paddleboard trip. I'm glad Khyber made it to day 74 so he could see a few more old friends before his time is up.
Day 3,838 Bonus Day 76 Khyber: This is my favorite spot to sit on the boat. Me: Khyber really likes laying on the very back of the boat. We took him for a late afternoon boat cruise and stayed out until sunset. His days of jumping off the boat for a swim are over, but he still enjoys the ride. #FuckCancer
Day 3,839 Bonus Day 77 Khyber: Doing a little yard patrol. Me: Khyber spent most of the day home alone. It's been a dreary day in Saranac Lake so we didn't get much time in outside.
Day 3,840 Bonus Day 78 Khyber: Go get me some peas, please. Me: Our garden harvest is dwindling, especially Khyber's pea supply. He got a few stragglers today and then sat outside the garden waiting for more. Today he ate bacon and eggs for breakfast, chicken for lunch, peas for a snack, and a piece of sourdough bread for dinner. Getting him to eat is still the biggest challenge, but today was a good day food-wise.
Day 3,841 Bonus Day 79 Khyber: I like it when we take breaks from the office to go to the river. Me: I brought Khyber over to Lake Everest for my lunch break today. He enjoyed just standing in the water for 15 minutes or so. We found out last weekend that he can still swim, but not very far and needs a bit of encouragement. He's content enough with just being in the water. I'm sure he is dreaming of the days when he could swim laps around me.
Day 3,842 Bonus Day 80 Khyber: You must pay my toll if you wish to pass. Me: Khyber won't let you in or out of the garden without giving him a snack. It's hard to tell what he will accept, but peas are always a good bet. He has denied 90% of what we have offered him today.
Day 3,843 Bonus Day 81 Khyber: I'm not sure what this is but I'll carry it around in my mouth anyway. Me: Khyber's Aunt Luna sent him another present, glucosamine supplements. He was excited about opening the package and carrying the bottle around in his mouth. He was slightly less excited about eating the supplements. We got him to eat one, that will probably be all he consumes. Thanks Luna!
Day 3,844 Bonus Day 82 Khyber: I can live off tennis balls, trust me. Me: Khyber's time is winding down. We spend most of our days offering him every food one can imagine. He still has the will to play ball and enjoying being outside, but his will to eat is almost all but disappeared. We're hanging in there with him as long as he wants, but can tell the end is near. We'll be sad when his last day comes but we are super grateful for all the bonus days we've gotten and that he has remained happy this long.
Day 3,845 Bonus Day 83 Khyber: I love spending time in the yard with Shelly. Me: Khyber got to spend the whole afternoon hanging out in the yard with Shelly and I. He got in a dozen throws of the ball and hung out by the fire. The temperatures were a bit cool today so we put on his winter coat to keep him warm. He looks so stunning in red 🙂
Day 3,846 Bonus Day 84 Khyber: Never stop loving life! Me: All Khyber wants to do the last two days is be outside and play ball. Khyber has always loved life and everyone around him. When we found out he had hemangiosarcoma we tried to temper his crazy personality. If you go back to bonus day 2 you will see him flying like superman through the woods. Clearly, we weren't successful at that nor did we really want to be. I know he knows the end is near, and I'm pretty sure he is trying to get in as much ball playing and outside time before the end. I don't blame him, I would be doing the same thing. We can all learn something from this approach to life. Live each day to the fullest, love those around you, and don't let the things in life out of your control get you down.
Day 3,847 Bonus Day 85 Khyber: Anything in here for me? Me: Despite not eating the last few days Khyber was particularly energetic today. He got to go for two car rides, play fetch, and he ended the day by enthusiastically eating a few pieces of chicken. Whether the chicken stays down is still to be determined. We continue to treat him like nothing is wrong. If I go out and he can tag along he does. If he picks up a ball or toy we play with him. This has been our approach all along. At this point, every day is an extra special bonus day.
Day 3,848 Bonus Day 84 Khyber: Never stop loving life! Me: All Khyber wants to do the last two days is be outside and play ball. Khyber has always loved life and everyone around him. When we found out he had hemangiosarcoma we tried to temper his crazy personality. If you go back to bonus day 2 you will see him flying like superman through the woods. Clearly, we weren't successful at that nor did we really want to be. I know he knows the end is near, and I'm pretty sure he is trying to get in as much ball playing and outside time before the end. I don't blame him, I would be doing the same thing. We can all learn something from this approach to life. Live each day to the fullest, love those around you, and don't let the things in life out of your control get you down.
Day 3,849 Bonus Day 87 Khyber: Oh hey, there you are. Me: Khyber had to hang out at home alone most of the day. One advantage of the cancer is he doesn't have enough energy to ravage the kitchen and garbage, so he gets to stay on his couch. I ducked out of a conference I was presenting at in Lake Placid to take him for a short walk in the middle of the day. He enjoyed all the smells in the woods and drinking from a spring.
Khyber Wiltse ❤️ 2008-2019 We said goodbye to Khyber today. It was certainly one of the most difficult decisions I've had to make. He never gave up, never stopped being himself. Over the past week he stopped eating and the last few days he would only drink by eating ice chips or visiting the spring behind our house. He was acting like his normal playful self last night and this morning. He was even playing with his tennis ball right up to the end. This made the decision to say goodbye more difficult in the moment, but I'm happy knowing his final moments were filled with joy and not pain. Our vet, Dr. Alison Flannigan and her assistant Ruth, came to our house to help him pass. There wasn't a dry eye in the room and I have the utmost respect for Dr. Flannigan and her team. She is the best and most compassionate vet I've known. Khyber absolutely loved her, as well as the rest of her team, but especially Ruth and Courtney. If you would like to donate a gift to the American Kennel Club's Hemangiosarcoma Research Initiative in memory of Khyber you can do so at the link below. Memorials can be addressed to Brendan Wiltse, PO Box 884, Saranac Lake, NY 12983 http://ADK.photos/AKC-Hemangiosarcoma Thank you so much for all of the love given to Khyber over the past 87 days. It helped knowing others understood what we were going through and that we helped remind others to love the people and animals in our lives.